it’s almost been 5 years since i’ve listened to trading yesterday. even to this day it still affects me and i don’t understand why. it’s been so long since i’ve thought of this person and all of a sudden one song makes certain feelings come rushing back. it’s not like i want them back or anything, it’s just a flood of emotions just from listening to one song and it scares me so much.
i avoided listening to this band for that one reason. you know, i thought that maybe if i didn’t listen to them for years that i would get over the feelings i’ve had for this person but there was so much emotion in those 5 months that it still scares me. i don’t like thinking about it, cause there’s too many painful thoughts and i’d rather avoid trying to think about it.
it’s kind of bittersweet though, even if there are scars. but there’s no such thing as a relationship without scars, so it’s a good thing i got to experience what i went through. i just hope one day i can listen to this band again without feeling these emotions and be more confident in myself and my relationship i’m in. god knows i need to be strong right now.